The Podfic Big Bang

Got out of hospital on Monday as promised. Time flies too quickly, and I'm barely catching up. So, two things, before I talk about something beautiful I meant to speak of a while ago:

A few weeks ago I visited Kirna Manor while they had their yearly Tulip Festival on. It was raining that day, so I got the exact sort of romantic melancholy I was craving for, but it did not compare to last year, which I unfortunately missed. I did get to see the pictures, and they were devastating. Their garden also has spots that are meant to heal you, if you believe in that sort of thing. And if you don't, nature is nature. But here are mine:
 

 

Ära hõiska enne õhtut is a saying in Estonian, which essentially translates to do not cheer before the night is over. I did figure I was a bit too content with life, so fate had to throw a wrench in it.

I'm at hospital. Truthfully, this is good, because at least someone competent is dealing with my health issues now. The lady doctor who examined me last night was baffled when I told her I'd been in indescribable pain for the past two weeks, barely slept or ate (threw up most of it), and that my GP's response to all that was to prescribe me more medication. As though I am not on enough already.

I still don't know what is wrong, because they have to wait until Monday to do a full examination. Small town problems, I suppose, but it's better here than my home, because I already know this hospital, and also I got a room for myself. In the meantime, they put me on the drip and fed me whatever mysterious liquids in comically large needles. They are all truly sensible about it and extremely kind, so I have nothing to complain about. I'm feeling a little better too. The nausea and the pain haven't disappeared entirely, but it is very much on the lower side of the scale. The fever is gone for now too.

I've never had so much bread in my life. Truly, a hospital classic around these parts. They also made me an entire pot of chamomile tea and they had kefir and cottage cheese, which is the only thing I haven't had issues with these past few months. That, and broccoli.

They gave me these adorable green plaid pyjamas and fuzzy red slippers, and it makes me so happy, because these are my favourite colours. How did they know?

Mu mum brought me my stuff, including the phone charger and my notebook, so now I can write without being worry. I even managed 1.3k words today, which I personally think is very impressive. She also brought me my ancient Kindle, so I can read, no matter how slow it is. Tomorrow will be much the same. They told me to sleep, so I'll be doing that now.

Drifting into the arena of the unwell, indeed.

I've been absent from here for a while, but I now find time again to write and participate in comms. It has been a stressful year, but I am, once again, graduating. I seem to be speedrunning schools these days, collecting fancy papers.

 

I've got a job offer at the ready and my dad offered me a free place to stay in the city where I will be working. I did my internship for school there in March, so I already know the building and most of the team. When I wrote to them, they said my timing is excellent, because one of the employees is just leaving and they will need a replacement. They've invested a month in training me, and I've even done the onboarding course.

 

I still have exams on the fifth of June, but I highly doubt I will flunk them. I'm not worried in the slightest, which is usually how it goes. I tend to get frustrated by wildly different things.

 

This leaves the graduation ceremony. That one is a bit more exhausting to think about, because you need to look at least somewhat put together. I considered wearing the dress I graduated in two years ago. But that would be too easy. Thanks to whatever it is that is wrong with me, my weight keeps fluctuating, I cannot fucking eat anything, and I've lost 15 kg since then. Admittedly, a lot of the weight loss was intentional as I'm trying to get healthy again, and I am currently one kilogram away from being "normal" weight on the BMI scale. I know there are issues with that, but I do feel like I've put in a lot of effort, and I am proud of it. If I have to deal with other health issues, at least my weight will not be a hindrance or a distraction in trying to figure it out.

 

Anyway, I have this red dress. I've never worn it before, and it is not the best red dress I've ever had, but it is still impressive. I also have red shoes I once bought because they reminded me of the ones Audrey Horne had in Twin Peaks (see my icon!), and I couldn't help myself. They work reasonably well together. I brought the shoes to a cobbler to replace the heel tips, and he was really excited to see how bright they were. I love this man. He told me last time when I went there with my Oxfords that they were a lost cause. If I wanted to wear them again I should do so between 12 AM and 3 AM, but only if I make sure the streetlights are dim. He made it sound as though I was about to summon a demon. Good man.

 

And so, I have plenty of time in June to wind down, rejuvenate, and focus on creative work. I imagine I will also have more time even with my job, because the schedule tends to be unpredictable with 3-4 days off between 3-4 day shifts. Despite my anxiety about not quite knowing what to do with my life, I think I'll be fine. I'll have the time and income to take some classes, and more importantly, I will have time to focus on art, writing and gardening. Small things, but ones that improve your life. The only thing that still worries me are the health problems, but I may still find a way to alleviate them.